We talk about life transitions as if they're only negative job loss, divorce, grief. But some of the hardest transitions are ones we chose: a move to a new city, a promotion we worked years for, becoming a parent, getting married, graduating from a chapter that defined us.
Chosen or unchosen, transitions have something in common: they require you to let go of a version of yourself. And that regardless of whether the new version is better is rarely easy.
Identity is built on continuity. We know who we are partly because our routines, relationships, and roles stay relatively stable over time. When a major transition happens, that continuity breaks.
You're no longer the person in that relationship. You're no longer the person at that company. You're not quite the person you were before the loss. And you haven't yet become the person on the other side of it.
This in-between place what some psychologists call the "liminal space" is uncomfortable. It's supposed to be. It means you're in the middle of becoming.
The feelings that come up most often:
None of these feelings mean you made the wrong choice. They mean you're human.
Allow the grief. Even good transitions involve loss. You're allowed to mourn what you're leaving, even if you chose to leave it.
Maintain rituals. When everything external is shifting, small consistent practices anchor your sense of self. Morning walks, weekly calls with a close friend, journaling these aren't luxuries during transition. They're stabilizers.
Resist the urge to have it figured out. The pressure to immediately know who you are after a major change is one of the most common sources of unnecessary suffering I see. You don't need to have arrived yet. You're on the way.
Stay curious, not critical. Instead of "I should be further along by now," try "I wonder what this stage is teaching me." It's a small reframe that opens everything.
Connect with support. Transitions are not the time to white-knuckle it alone. Friends, family, community, and therapy all of these are appropriate and important sources of support during a period of significant change.
Therapy during a life transition isn't crisis care it's navigation support. It's having a consistent, clear-eyed person in your corner who can help you make sense of what's happening, reconnect with your values, and build the version of yourself you're becoming.
If you're in the middle of a transition right now even one you chose, even one you're grateful for and you'd like that kind of support, I'd love to hear from you.
